Eli will serve as an example of how “holding space” for Samuel made all the difference.
Scripture Focus: 1 Samuel 3, ESV
Growing up, my family had pets. We had mostly dogs, a few frogs, and many goldfish. When I became an adult I learned what life would be like without pet dander and I now enjoy keeping an allergen free household. What I do keep space for now is plants. I would consider myself to be an excellent plant mom.
Recently I acquired a small pathos plant and added it to the family of pots sitting in sunny windowsills in my one bedroom apartment. The instructions on the tag with the plant were clear and simple. “Water thoroughly and water again only when soil is completely dry.” Alright, not too hard. Within the first weeks of having the plant I watched its leaves turn from green to yellow.
Where did I go wrong? I overwatered it. I didn’t let the soil dry completely. I didn’t follow the instructions. I kept it on the watering schedule like my other plants and as a result, I overwatered it. Getting ready to leave for a trip, I found myself anxious over the possibility of coming back to a completely dead plant. I gave it water before leaving like the others and then left it by itself the next morning. Please don’t die while I’m gone!
It turns out the week away was exactly what my plant needed. I came back to one leaf that had fallen in the windowsill and a much greener plant with completely dry soil. Now it’s time to water it again. I rolled my eyes and sighed at my finicky plant. Over the next few weeks, I watched it and only watered it when the soil was completely dry and needed it.
The story of my houseplant reminds me about a principle of mentorship that is crucial and foundational to these kinds of relationships. The principle is this: mentorship is about holding space for others.
My plants have a consistent space in the sunshine of my windowsill. When necessary, provide water and nourishment to those in your circle who are spiritually dry. When needed, I water them. When they don’t need it, though I insist they do, the plants don’t flourish, but rather they suffer. I believe the same thing is true about our mentoring relationships.
Principle 3: Mentorship is about holding space.
Mentorship is about holding space for others to belong. A mentor who provides a safe and consistent place for others is a simple step to successful relationships between the mentor and mentee. In the Old Testament we read a story about the young boy Samuel who served in the temple under the care of Eli the priest. As a young child, a devout woman of God named Hannah presented young Samuel at the temple to live there. For Hannah to do this, as a woman who remained childless for many years, in and of itself is a tremendous testimony of the faith. Hannah knew something special would come of her child.
As the young boy Samuel grew up. The priest Eli provided a space of the temple where the young boy Samuel grew in favor of the Lord. One night while both Eli and Samuel were sleeping Samuel was woken up from His slumber. Thinking it was the Priest Eli calling Him, Samuel went to Eli’s chambers in the middle of the night. Eli assured Samule in the middle of the night that it wasn’t Him calling, but it was the Prescence of the Lord calling the young boy Samuel. Eli’s role? The priest Eli held the space in the temple for the young boy Samuel to hear the Lord’s call.
The mentee will seek out the mentor. It can’t be the mentor’s idea; it has to be the mentees idea to seek out guidance. Accepting help first means admitting you have a problem. What the mentor can do is make themselves open and available. Examples of these types of times and spaces can be a director’s open-door policy or posted office hours. It can be a lunch meeting or holding an open invitation for coffee and conversation. These intentional choices make a difference. My intentional holding space looks like this: “If my blue jeep is in the parking lot at the church during church office hours, you are always welcome to come in for a cup of coffee.” I currently have two regulars to Katie B’s Café.
When the time comes, holding space for a mentee looks like interacting with a mentee with no judgement where the mentee can present issues in a way that is authentic. What differentiates good mentors from great mentors are those who know how to equip mentees. With just a little bit of encouragement and space our mentees will flourish. Invest deeply, not overbearingly, and hold loosely. If the mentor and mentee relationship has been successful, your ministry mentees will find themselves confident and equipped to do the work when you’re not there: flourishing like my plant that did not need to be overwatered.
Questions for Mentors: In your own words, describe what it means to hold space for someone. List some specific ways. Are there times in your schedule you can carve out as an intentional time to help support others?
Questions for Mentees: Who in your life can you go to in order to find a safe and supportive space? Why is it important to have a space I can go to for support when life is challenging?